Toby, my dog-in-law, is a fine domesticated animal
He can smell your fart, even before it comes out
He loves to play in the dirt, he'll eat your desert
He rarely barks, and mostly lies down like a bathmat
When he does bark, he barks at human-father-in-law Loli
For Toby can also smell a mind full of electric wires
brimming with screws, bolts, nails and hammers
and empty of nutrition or entertainment value
He's a good dog, there's no doubt about that
He's loyal and loving, and drooling on the mat
When he smells a bone, or a dried organ of bovine
He'll beg and plead with those big brown eyes
But don't be fooled, by his cute and cuddly face
For Toby is a labrador, with a food-filled space
He'll eat anything, and he'll eat it all
He's a foodie dog, and he loves the squealing ball
I wish you the very doggy best my dear in-law dog Tobs,
May you live long, play with every dog, chew on every bone
and leave a legacy of fine canines, both purebred and mixed
but wait, oh no you can't, you're fixed.
